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so, a while back, a friend of mine kept going on about this guy he had seen as an opening act for imogen heap-  he said the guy was fabulous, a one-man band sort of thing, and i would love him.
cut to october, and my friend (jerry) tells me he has made arrangements for the guy to come and perform in visalia, i should totally go, i'd love it.  me, i'm thinking that visalia is about 30 miles away and it's a worknight, but if it means that much to him i'll show up if i can.  so, i go.
opening act is a couple of local guys, friends of jerry's, not bad at all.
then... levi weaver.  i stand there as he goes up, thinking it'll be just another angsty skinny white guy with a guitar-  good, but nothing to write home about.
then he starts to play...
*ZAP*  i get one of those "killing me softly" sort of moments...  first song, opening verse, and WOW...  by the end of the first verse i am deeply impressed by the wordcraft, for lack of a better word.  by the end of the first chorus i am hooked.  "HOW THE FUCK DOES HE KNOW THESE THINGS???  i've never told anybody that..."  lyrically articulate, musically capable, pleasant and yet emotionally raw...

levi weaver.  remember the name.  check his shit out on myspace, i bought both of his e.p.s (self-published, not available in best buy, sorry)  and he has a new full-length cd coming out out soonbutnotsoonenough.

*EDIT*  new cd "you are never close to home" will be out december 28th!!
pre-order after december 6th from CDbaby.com...

anyway, here's the song that rocked my world:


I struggle to reconcile
these words of hope and freedom
and these minister's convictions
with these verbal mausoleums
battle-scarred emancipations
and holy carpe-diems
the battles and bombshells
i have levied on myself in the form of you
in the form of you

now, how can these all co-exist
the heartbreak for the dying?
when my tries turned to failure
my sighs gave way to crying
now just look at this destruction
good and evil still are fighting
leaving mangled half-hearts in their wake
they take their toll on you in the form of me
in the form of me

well, i've been an agent of the death of love
i've been an angel from above
don't mind the way i feel, please save yourself
and i've derailed your stability
you've given that ability to me
and i can say i've done it well
but we've failed the final challenge love
we're both so out of balance love
let's commit this suicide and save us all.

well my heart will not forgive me for
this unwilling extraction of your
love from its controlling grips
this unpardonable action will wage
civil war between my heart
and mind, the dueling factions
never really got along too well
i'll sell a heart that still belongs to you
in the form of a tune

But even my own heart's eternal
unforgiveness does not measure
in capacity for hurt and in it's
volume of displeasure to the
guilt that i would feel; having
killed you to have kept you. if you
ever had an ounce of trust
believe me when i say you must be free
from this infernal me

well, i've been an agent of the death of love
i've been an angel from above
don't mind the way i feel, please save yourself
and i've derailed your stability
you've given that ability to me
and i can say i've done it well
but we've failed the final challenge love
we're both so in and out of love
let's commit this suicide and save us all.

And oh, I love you still
And I believe that you love me
And oh, I love you still
And I believe that you love me
i believe that you love me...

it's a paradox of such epic
proportions i may never
understand why anyone would ever
bother to endeavor to make
justified the columns of the
right now and what's left forever
underneath the layers of a
heart that's partly me and partly you
i am partly you.

and for that precise equation i must
separate my feelings and our
futures for the sake of you
the sake of your own healing if i
let you be a part of me
my self-destruction peeling back the
layers of your love will take you
down and i will not be that to you
i will not be that to you

well, i've been an agent of the death of love
i've been an angel from above
don't mind the way i feel, please save yourself
and i've derailed your priorities
you've given that ability to me
and i can say i've done it well
but we've failed the final challenge love
we're both so out of balance love
let's commit this suicide and save us all.

yeah, we've failed the final challenge love,
we've been so in and out of love
let's commit this suicide and save us all
let's commit this suicide and save us all
let's commit this suicide and save us all...

(good medicine)
  • Listening to: everything!
  • Reading: dexter in the dark
guess it was about time to change this.  not much has changed, but i was just getting tired of looking at the same old entry...

since i have nothing illuminating of my own to say, have some more ani:

---------------------------------------------

You broke me bodily
The heart ain't the half of it
And I'll never learn to laugh at it
In my good natured way
In fact I'm laughing less in general
But I learned a lot at my own funeral
And I knew you'd be the death of me
So I guess that's the price I pay

I'm trying to make new memories
In cities where we fell in love
My head just barely above
The darkest water I've ever known
You had me in that cage
You had me jumpin through those hoops for you
Still, I think I'd stoop for you
Stoop for your eyes alone

From that bomb shell moon in yet another lovely dress
To the deep mahogany sheen of a roach
I am trying to take an appreciative approach
To life in your wake
I focus on the quiet now
And occasionally I'll fall asleep somehow
And emptiness has its solace
In that there's nothing left to take

(bodily)
  • Listening to: everything!
  • Reading: sir apropos of nothing
  • Watching: pan's labyrinth

part of the deal...

Sat Dec 24, 2005, 2:19 PM
not that it matters, but i'm sorry.

reflecting upon the last year, and new friendships, and old ones gone horribly wrong like a slow-motion train wreck.  if i could go back to last november, i think i would just stick a knife in my throat and break it off.

sometimes, it would've hurt a lot less.

*********************************

...And wasn't it meant to be fun?

Now there's no going back
and there's something undead
in your mind and your eyes
in your heart and your head
And if anyone asks how you feel
just say it was part of the deal

*********************************

Tracing your face in the way it all started
Eyes like assassins we cried when we parted
Shimmy and slip like the mists of December
I close my eyes and I try to remember

Now I need you here like a kite needs a string
I need you more than I need anything
I want you back but I'm too proud to say it out loud
It's a personal thing

Starlight and moonlight and madness and heaven
You made me all that I am: you're forgiven
The touch of your hand or the fell of your finger
Memories cut through my heart and they linger on.

I need you here like a bird needs to sing
I need you more than I need anything
I want you back but I'm too proud to say it out loud
It's a personal  thing

Every cold mile between us is painful
All of the words we could never unsay in full
Moments are magical, pain universal
Frozen like ice and it's just too damn personal

I need you here like a dream needs a wing
I need you more than I need anything
I want you back but I'm too proud to say it out loud
It's a personal thing

(©Neil Gaiman)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
you broke another mirror, turning into something you are not.
  • Listening to: lorraine a` malena
  • Reading: mirrormask

buried in the silence of the answer

Sun Dec 11, 2005, 3:57 PM
been in a linkin park sorta mood lately.  back when, they were a band i never expected to like, but to my surprise, i really really do.

*****************************************************

what do I do to ignore what's behind me?
do I follow my fate to escape blindly?
do I hide my pride away from these bad dreams
and give in to sad thoughts that are maddening? do i
let it go and try to stand it, or do i
try to catch them red-handed?
do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
or do i trust none and live in loneliness?

the sunlight burns the skin of sleeping men
i make the right turns but i'm lost within
i put on my daily facade but then
i just end up getting hurt by myself

by myself (MYSELF)
i ask why (but in my mind i find)
i can't rely on myself (MYSELF)
i ask why (but in my mind i find)
i can't rely on myself

i can't hold on
[to what i want when I'm stretched so thin]
it's all too much to take in
i can't hold on
[to anything, watching everything spin]
with thoughts of failure sinking in

if i turn my back i'm defenseless,
and to give in to face seems senseless
if i hide my pride and let it all go on
then they'll take from me till everything is gone
if i let them go i'll be outdone
but if i try to catch them i'll be outrun
if i'm killed by the questions like a cancer,
then i'll be buried in the silence of the answer

by myself (MYSELF)
i ask why (but in my mind i find)
i can't rely on myself (MYSELF)
i ask why (but in my mind i find)
i can't rely on myself

i can't hold on
[to what i want when i'm stretched so thin]
it's all too much to take in
i can't hold on
[to anything, watching everything spin]
with thoughts of failure sinking in

how do you think i've lost so much
i'm so afraid
that i'm out of touch
how do you expect
i will know what to do
when all i know is what you tell me to

don't you [KNOW]
i can't tell you how to make it [GO]
no matter what i do,or how hard i [TRY]
i can't seem to convince myself [WHY]
i'm stuck on the outside

i can't hold on
[to what i want when i'm stretched so thin]
it's all too much to take in
i can't hold on
[to anything, watching everything spin]
with thoughts of failure sinking in

i can't hold on
[to what i want when i'm stretched so thin]
it's all too much to take in
i can't hold on
[to anything, watching everything spin]
with thoughts of failure sinking

(LP, by myself)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
you broke another mirror, turning into something you are not.
  • Listening to: linkin park live in texas
  • Reading: the vesuvius club

never is a promise

Mon Nov 21, 2005, 11:48 PM
words stuck in my head today...
*****************************

You'll never see the courage I know
Its colors' richness won't appear within your view
I'll never glow the way that you glow
Your presence dominates the judgements made on you

But as the scenery grows I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch I see from greater heights
I understand what I am still to proud to mention, to you

You'll say you understand
But you don't understand
You'll say you'll never give up seeing eye to eye
But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie

You'll never touch these things that I hold
The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own
You'll never feel the heat of this soul
My fever burns me deeper than I've ever shown to you

You'll say "don't fear your dreams"
It's easier than it seems
You'll say you'd never let me fall from hopes so high
But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie

You'll never live this life that I live
I'll never live the life that wakes me in the night
You'll never hear the message I give
You'll say it looks as though I might give up this fight

But as the scenery grows I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch I see from greater heights
I realize what I am now too smart to mention, to you

You'll say you understand
You'll never understand
I'll say I'll never wake up knowing how or why
I don't know what to believe in
You don't know who I am
You'll say I need appeasing when I start to cry
But never is a promise and I'll never need a lie

(fiona)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
you broke another mirror, turning into something you are not.
  • Listening to: darby's mp3 comp #3
  • Reading: prince caspian

apparently this is all there is

Sat Nov 5, 2005, 1:51 PM
words stuck in my head today:
***************************

Am I more than you bargained for yet
I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear
Cause that's just who I am this week
Lie in the grass, next to the mausoleum
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
(A notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song)

Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team

We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

Is this more than you bargained for yet
Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans
Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
(Notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song)

Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team

We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

We're going down, down in an earlier round (Take aim at myself)
And Sugar, we're going down swinging (Take back what you said)
I'll be your number one with a bullet (Take aim at myself)
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

(fall out boy)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
you broke another mirror, turning into something you are not.
  • Listening to: darby's mp3 comp #3

reasons to be happy..?

Sat Oct 15, 2005, 4:17 AM
reasons to be happy...?

at the moment, i can't think of a fucking thing.  sorry, just how it is.  and fuck you if that makes me a failure as a human being.

right now i feel like charlie brown, who kept falling for the football trick over and over and over-  "promise you won't pull it away?  ok, i believe you.  i'm going to kick it to the moon!"  and then WHAM, flat on his back.  again.

i had this thing that belonged to me, and not only did i get it taken away, but it was sort of given to someone else.  i was kinda bummed about it being taken away, but the reasoning behind that was not unsound.  but strangely enough, i find myself getting angrier and angrier about it being given away.  oh, and depressed.  i should know by now that any time i am told i can take one step forward, i'm going to wind up two steps back.

it was made for me, and now not only is it NOT mine, but now it never will be again.  now it belongs to someone else.  even in pieces, it's no longer mine.

and it's not the first time i've had the buildup, followed by the slapdown.  that gets kinda old, too.

again.

ahhhh, fuck it.  i'll get over it.  don't i always?  enough venting for now.  i feel better.  zero defects, right?  i'm all better now.

until i'm not.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

and now for a few words from our sponsor:

Among the afflictions,
With which I've been marked,
None so pretentious, no,
And none quite so dark.
I get the feeling you're bored with me,
Not through habit or frequency,
Did you mother have you easily?
And if there's some place else that you would rather be;
Then go...

Among the intentions,
Which have been sought,
Numbered and labelled,
But none of them bought.
I get the feeling you're testing me,
You're saturated in urgency,
And you stick your probe in further,
But you're still not pleased,
And if there's someplace else that you would rather be;
Then go...

I would have lied for you,
I would have cried for you,
I crossed the line for you,
I would have died for you.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
you broke another mirror, turning into something you are not.
  • Listening to: darby's mp3 comp #3
  • Reading: jonathan strange & mr. norrell

studying stones...

Thu Sep 22, 2005, 2:11 AM
the way she puts words together...  wow, is all.
---------------------------------------------------------

i am out here studying stones
trying to learn to be less alive
using all of my will
to keep very still
still even on the inside
i've cut all of the pertinent wires
so my eyes can't make that connection
i am holding my breath
i am feigning my death
when i'm looking in your direction

'course numb is an old hat
old as my oldest memories
see that one's my mother
and that one's my father
and that one in the hat, that's me
it's a skill i'd hoped to abandon
when i got out on the open road
but any more pent up emotion
and i think i'm gonna explode

there's never been an endeavor so strange
as trying to slow the blood in my veins
to keep my face blank
as a stone that just sank
until not a ripple remains
i am high above the tree line
sitting cross legged on the ground
when all of the forbidden fruit has fallen and rotted
that's when i'm gonna come down

'course numb is an old hat
old as my oldest memories
see that one's my mother
and that one's my father
and that one in the hat, that's me
it's a skill i'd hoped to abandon
when i got out on the open road
but any more pent up emotion
and i think i'm gonna explode

(ani - studying stones)

---------------------------------------

...flailing her whole life
just thinking she can teach herself to fly
vehement romantic
frantic for forever right now
but forever's going nowhere tonight

sick of goading her self-loathing
she thinks, i think i'd better leave
'course whiskey makes me smarter
and i'm happy as can be
but please excuse me darlin
it's not you
it's me

...

i swear some stuff you just see better from further away
and i think i communicate best now, the less i say
and i can't dance if the band can't play
and the vibe is going nowhere tonight
...

there's a dusty old dust storm on mars they say
so tonight you can't see it too clear
still i stood in line to look through their telescope
looked like a distant ship light
as seen from a foggy pier
and i know that i was warned
still it was not what i hoped
yeah i know that i was warned
still it was not what i hoped

i think i'm done gunnin to get closer
to some imagined bliss
i gotta knuckle down
just be ok with this
gotta knuckle down
just be ok with this

'course that star struck girl
is already someone i miss

(ani - knuckle down)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
you broke another mirror, turning into something you are not.
  • Listening to: ani: knuckle down
  • Reading: jonathan strange & mr. norrell

All my words are secondhand...

Sat Sep 10, 2005, 9:17 PM
spun sisters of mercy all the way to fresno and back yesterday...  and now i can't get it out of my head:
-----------------------------------------------

And yes I believe in what we had
But words got in the way
And only yesterday
As I was leaving
Lord knows I've tried to say but I've
Heard a million conversations
Going where they've been before
Seen the way that careful lingers
Undecided at the door

And all I know for sure
All I know for real
Is knowing doesn't mean so much
When placed against the feeling
The heat inside
When bodies meet
When fingers touch

All my words are secondhand and
Useless in the face of this
Rationale and rhyme and reason
Pale beside a single kiss
And I've heard so many things I
Fail to understand at all
I'd settle anytime for
Unknown footsteps in the hall outside

And all I know for sure
All I know for real
Is knowing doesn't mean so much
When placed against the feeling
The heat inside
When bodies meet
When fingers touch

Because the world is cruel and
Promises are broken
Don't try to tell me
Anything don't try to tell me
You'll be true to me you know the
Real truth is never spoken
And I know the world is cold but
If you hold on tight to what you
Find you might not mind too much though
Even this must pass away and
Memories may last for years but
Names are just for souvenirs
Some kind of angel let me
Look into your eyes
Don't give me whys and wherefores
Reason or surprise
I don't care for words that don't belong
And I don't care what you're called
Tell me later if at all
I can wait a long long time
Before I hear another love song

...

Come here I think you're beautiful
My door is open wide
Some kind of stranger come inside

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
you broke another mirror, turning into something you are not.
  • Listening to: SOM: first and last and always
  • Reading: until i find you

...til it's not

Sun Aug 28, 2005, 11:05 PM
someone else's words stuck in my head today:

some people wear their smile
like a disguise
those people who smile a lot
(watch the eyes)
i know it 'cause i'm like that a lot
you think everything's okay
and it is...
til it's not

**************

Sleepwalking through the all-nite drugstore
Baptized in flourescent light
I found religion in the greeting card aisle
Now I know hallmark was right
And every pop song on the radio
Is suddenly speaking to me
Yeah, art may imitate life
But life imitates t.v.
'Cuz you've been gone exactly two weeks
Two weeks and three days
And let's just say that things look different now
Different in so many ways

I used to be a superhero
No one could touch me
Not even myself
You are like a phone booth
I somehow stumbled into
And now look at me
I am just like everybody else

If I was dressed in my best defenses
Would you agree to meet me for coffee
If I did my tricks with smoke and mirrors
Would you still know which one was me
If I was naked and screaming
On your front lawn
Would you turn on the light and come down
Screaming, there's the asshole
Who did this to me
Stripped me of my power
Stripped me down

I used to be a superhero
No one could touch me
Not even myself
You are like a phone booth
I somehow stumbled into
And now look at me
I am just like everybody else

Yeah you've been gone exactly two weeks
Two weeks and three days
And now I'm a different person
Different in so many ways
Tell me what did you like about me
Don't say my strength and daring
'Cuz now I think i'm at your mercy
And it's my first time for this kind of thing

I used to be a superhero
I would swoop down and save me from myself
You are like a phone booth
That I somehow stumbled into
And now look at me
I am just like everybody else
I am worse than everybody else

(ani difranco)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
you broke another mirror, turning into something you are not.
  • Listening to: ani difranco: dilate
  • Reading: until i find you

start as you mean to go on

Thu Aug 25, 2005, 2:40 PM
someone else's words stuck in my head today:
-------------------------------------------------------

He said I'm gonna buy this place and burn it down
I'm gonna put it six feet underground
He said I'm gonna buy this place and watch it fall
Stand here beside me baby in the crumbling walls

Oh I'm gonna buy this place and start a fire
Stand here until I fill all your heart's desires
Because I'm gonna buy this place and see it burn
And do back the things they did to you in return

He said Oh I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war
If you can tell me something worth fighting for
Oh I'm gonna buy this place is what I said
Blame it upon a rush of blood to head

(And) honey
All the movements your starting to make
See me crumble and fall on my face
And I know the mistakes that I made
See it all disappear without a trace
And they call as they beckon you on
They say start as you mean to go on
Start as you mean to go on

He said I'm gonna buy this place and see it go
Stand here beside me baby watch the orange glow
Some'll laugh and some just sit and cry
But you just sit down then you wonder why

So I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war
If you can tell me something worth fighting for
And I'm gonna buy this place is what I said
Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head
to the head

(And) honey
All the movements you're starting to make
See me crumble and fall on my face
And I know the mistakes that I made
See it all disappear without a trace
And they call as they beckon you on
They say start as you mean to go on
As you mean to go on
As you mean to go on

So meet me by the bridge, meet me by the lane
When am I gonna see that pretty face again
Meet me on the road, meet me where I said

Blame it all upon
A rush of blood to the head

(coldplay, a rush of blood to the head)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
you broke another mirror, turning into something you are not.
  • Listening to: NIN pretty hate machine
  • Reading: until i find you

ain't love grand?

Wed Aug 24, 2005, 12:05 AM
someone else's words stuck in my head today:
(for me & for osita, i know you know)

----------------------------------------------------------

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
COULD IT BE WORSE?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

------------------------------------

And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
Was the hardest part

And the strangest thing
Was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start

I could feel it go down
Bittersweet I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining the cloud
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out

And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
You really broke my heart

And I tried to sing
But I couldn't think of anything
And that was the hardest part

I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
You're silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
Oh and I
I wonder what it's all about
I wonder what it's all about

Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do, it just comes undone
And everything is torn apart

Oh and it's the hardest part
That's the hardest part
Yeah that's the hardest part
That's the hardest part

-------------------------------------------
(coldplay, because it's pretty AND emo)

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We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
you broke another mirror, turning into something you are not.
  • Listening to: NIN pretty hate machine
  • Reading: until i find you
  • Watching: sin city

right where it belongs

Tue Aug 23, 2005, 12:16 PM
someone else's words stuck in my head today:

See the animal in his cage that you built,
Are you sure what side you're on?
Better not look him too closely in the eye,
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on?
See the safety of the life you have built,
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart,
And it's all...right where it belongs

What if everything around you,
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks,
Would you find yourself...find yourself afraid to see?

What if all the world's inside of your head?
Just creations of your own
Your devils and your gods all the living and the dead
And you really oughta know
You can live in this illusion
You can choose to believe
You keep looking but you can't find the ones,
Are you hiding in the trees?

What if everything around you,
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you used to know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks,
Would you find yourself...find yourself afraid to see?

(reznor hizzownself, right where it belongs)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
  • Listening to: NIN pretty hate machine
  • Reading: until i find you
  • Watching: sin city
I got my head but my head is unraveling
cant keep control can't keep track of where it's traveling
I got my heart but my heart's no good
you're the only one that's understood

I come along but I don't know where you're taking me
I shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me
turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky
the more I give to you the more I die

and I want you

you are the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug

you make me hard when i'm all soft inside
I see the truth when i'm all stupid-eyed
the arrow goes straight through my heart
without you everything just falls apart

my blood just wants to say hello to you
my fear is warm to get inside of you
my soul is so afraid to realize
how every little bit is left of me

take me with you
without you everything just falls apart
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces

(nin)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
  • Listening to: NIN pretty hate machine
  • Reading: until i find you
  • Watching: kung fu hustle!

someone else or i'll explode

Sat Aug 13, 2005, 6:20 PM
not my words but my feelings...
-------------------------------------------

I want to
I want to be someone else or I'll explode
Floating upon this surface for the birds
The birds
The birds

You want me?
Fucking well come and find me
I'll be waiting
With a gun and a pack of sandwiches
And nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing

You want me?
Well come on and break the door down
You want me?
Fucking come on and break the door down
I'm ready
I'm ready
I'm ready

(radiohead, talk show host)

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We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
  • Listening to: shadowboxer
  • Reading: until i find you
  • Watching: kung fu hustle!

the mirror never lies

Wed Aug 10, 2005, 11:09 PM
and i raise my head and stare
into the eyes of a stranger
i've always known that the mirror never lies
people always turn away
from the eyes of a stranger
afraid to know what lies behind the stare

(queensryche)

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We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
  • Listening to: shadowboxer
  • Reading: until i find you
  • Watching: kung fu hustle!

masks on my mind

Thu Jul 28, 2005, 12:34 PM
on the subject of masks, here's an old one today....
_________________________

Well we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out and
Show ourselves
When everyone has gone
Some are satin some are steel
Some are silk and some are leather
They're the faces of the stranger
But we love to try them on

Well we all fall in love
But we disregard the danger
Though we share so many secrets
There are some we never tell
Why were you so surprised
That you never saw the stranger
Did you ever let your lover see
The stranger in yourself?

....

You may never understand
How the stranger is inspired
But he isn't always evil
And he is not always wrong
Though you drown in good intentions
You will never quench the fire
You'll give in to your desire
When the stranger comes along.

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We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
  • Listening to: swing life away (rise against)
  • Reading: harry potter & the half-blood prince
  • Watching: munchhausen (old german one)
this will do for now...
-----------------------------

interstellar overdrive is playing on her phonograph
she believes he's still alive out there in his hovercraft
entering the atmosphere it shudders and it breaks apart
fragments falling everywhere one hits her heart

your lonely sister is praying for an astronaut
she rises from her knees to knock his helmet off

walking in an open field she comes across an ankle bone
takes it home and drills a hole and wears it on a leather thong
having such an awful time accepting that he's really dead
her astronaut's alive and well inside her head

your lonely sister is praying for an astronaut
she rises from her knees to knock his helmet off

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We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
  • Listening to: astronaut
  • Reading: haunted (palahniuk)
  • Watching: kung fu hustle

across yer ocean...

Tue Apr 19, 2005, 3:48 AM
and the words stuck in my head today:

And where we go from here, is anybody's guess,
These thoughts I've got inside, ain't easy to confess,
My hand upon my heart, I draw a little breath,
cos I've fallen down, (down, down, down...)

And I bleed and I feel that it's all too real,
On a wave of emotion sending ships across yer ocean,
And I've lost all my reasons...but it's you I can...believe in

And looking in your eyes, the stars they fall away,
And holding to your hand I waste away the day,
I've got to make it known, I've got to let you see,
But I'm not so strong...

And I bleed and I feel that it's all too real,
On a wave of emotion sending ships across yer ocean,
And I've lost all my reasons...when it's you I can...believe in

No I'm not that strong

And I bleed and I feel that it's all too real,
On a wave of emotion sending ships across yer ocean,
And a way of feeling that inside I know I'm healing,
All these waves of emotion sending ships across yer ocean,
And I've lost all my reasons...but it's you I can...

Believe in

(mercury rev, across yer ocean)

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We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
  • Reading: kingdom of fear (hunter s. thompson)

sleep to dream...

Mon Mar 28, 2005, 12:03 AM
I tell you how I feel, but you don't care.
I say tell me the truth, but you don't dare.
You say love is a hell you cannot bear.
And I say gimme mine back and then go there - for all I care.

I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream.
You got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem.
This mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways.
So don't forget what I told you, don't come around, I got my own hell to raise.

I have never been SO insulted in all my life.
I could swallow the seas to wash down all this pride.
First you run like a fool just to be at my side.
And now you run like a fool, but you just run to hide, and I can't abide.

I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream.
You got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem.
This mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways.
So don't forget what I told you, don't come around, I got my own hell to raise.

Don't make it a big deal, don't be so sensitive.
We're not playing a game anymore, you don't have to be so defensive.
Don't you plead me your case, don't bother to explain.
Don't even show me your face, 'cuz it's a crying shame.
Just go back to the rock from under which you came.
Take the sorrow you gave and all the stakes you claim -
And don't forget the blame.

I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream.
You got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem.
This mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways.
So don't forget what I told you, don't come around, I got my own hell to raise.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We need masks- How do you know if you're happy and sad without one?
  • Reading: kingdom of fear (hunter s. thompson)